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martedì, settembre 27, 2005

E' questo il coraggio?

Uno psicologo dovrebbe basare tutto sul soggettivo; in realtà, egli,non lo fa mai se non apparentemente.
Io che fuggo le etichette come veleno, andando dallo psicologo, me ne sono messa una pesante, talmente pesante da scalzare anche tutte le altre.
Chi sei tu? Io sono una depressa autolesiva/autolesionista.
In realtà sono tutto il contrario, dal mio patetico punto di vista.
Chi sono io? Io sono Niente ma è talmente giuda questo niente che mi tradisce ogni mattino, al mio risveglio, e mi ricorda che sono i compiti quotidiani a fare di me tutto tranne che niente.
Il mio niente ha due occhi che sanno guardare oltre i contorni ordinari, ha due orecchie che sanno anche ascoltare senza prevaricazioni. Ha un cuore, uno qualsiasi –sì- ma batte a modo suo: fibrillazione atriale, extrasistoli, tachicardie; non scende mai sotto i cento battiti di vita, perché il cuore del niente cavalca la vita come nessuno sa fare ma in modo violentemente soggettivo e tutti, quasi tutti col cuore del tutto, pensano che sia un cuore morto, sotto i 40 battiti al minuto.
Un depresso non è morto dentro. Oh cazzo, un depresso è più vivo di tutti quelli normali. Un depresso ha certe fulminate di vita e di morte che, mescolandosi disordinatamente, ti fanno toccare i poli opposti nel giro di due minuti: cielo e inferno in uno giro di coda di un cane qualsiasi.
Chi mi ridarà i picchi di euforia e malinconia patologica se prendessi il fatidico prozac o l’affamante deniban.
Ora non è più questione di paura di diventare dipendente della pillolina euforizzante o rasserenante. Ora è banale scelta di cambiarmi come vogliono gli altri oppure no.
La vita, in fondo, è una scelta del suicidio migliore.
O m’ammazzo il corpo o la mente.
La gente accetta più che si muoia dentro, perché –patetici!- l’importante è vivere con un cuore che batte nel petto ma non nell’anima. Che ce ne frega se l’anima e la personalità schianteranno per sempre? L’importante è vivere, l’importante è sopravvivere. Questo è il coraggio…
Questo è il coraggio.
Questo è il coraggio.
Qual è il coraggio?
Questo è il coraggio.
Qual è il coraggio?
Questo è il coraggio.
Ma almeno non chiamatela vita. Non dite: “Avere coraggio significa vivere!”. Abbiate voi il coraggio, anime sane e sante, di dire “Avere coraggio significa sopravvivere”. E dopo che avrete detto questo obbrobrio vi auguro di sopravvivere come farò io per dimostrare di avere coraggio.
Troppo facile avere la vita serena e l’equilibrio consistente nel palmo delle mani e parlare del coraggio altrui o del mio.

Stamattina ho preso,dopo varie indecisioni, lo xeroxat! E’ questo il coraggio?

  • email
  • at 3:04 PM

    64 Comments:

    • Ehi Lia che succede? mi sembri arrabbiata... che ti è successo? mi spiace di sentirti cosi! Posso darti un consiglio da amica (come io mi sento verso di te)? cerca di non porti in continuazione domande cosi "eteree", cosi poco concrete, a cui religione e filosofia stanno cercanod di dare risposte da secoli. Cerca di guardare la tua vita dal punto di vista concreto, e di affrontare ciò che ti succede giorno dopo giorno con concretezza e praticità. Non so cosa ti sia successo e perchè tu sia arrabbiata. mi spiace di sentirti cosi, davvero. Ma io continuo a credere che riuscirai piano piano a venirne fuori! Forza, cara amica! Un abbraccio forte, Erika. PS: mi mancano le tue mail e i tuoi commenti sul mio blog... non voglio forzarti, ma sappi che ti sto aspettando impaziente! :-)

      By Anonymous Erika, at 5:10 PM  

    • Ero sul tuo blog proprio adesso: immetto la pass ma la pagina rimane bianca...

      By Blogger Lia, at 5:12 PM  

    • sì sono arrabbiata nera, Erika. Ho ceduto all'antidepressivo e questa cosa mi delude e mi innervosisce.

      By Blogger Lia, at 5:13 PM  

    • ... uno potrebbe dire che "vivere comporta una discreta dose di coraggio", ma sarebbe uno dei tanti ben conosciuti luoghi comuni.
      Gli psicologi hanno il loro bel compito di incanalare i pensieri altrui in percorsi più consoni a quelli che sono i comuni canoni della normalità, ma ho sempre avuto l'impressione che dimentichino incolpevolmente di quante interazioni sia fatto il tutto o il niente in cui passiamo gran parte dei nostri giorni. Quanto tutto fatto di niente c'è, nella nostra vita di tutti i giorni? Non so se ci sia una risposta a questa domanda. Forse c'è una risposta diversa per ognuno di noi, forse...
      Scusami, "seroxat" o "xeroxat"? te l'hanno detto che dovrai aspettare almeno 7-10 giorni per vedere un minimo di effetto?
      Sorrisi coraggiosi

      By Blogger trytounderstand, at 5:31 PM  

    • mi hanno detto minimo 2 settimane

      By Blogger Lia, at 5:50 PM  

    • con la esse...

      By Blogger Lia, at 5:59 PM  

    • Dai Lia non ti preoccupare! Fai cosi: o lasci perdere il farmaco, oppure lo prendi senza incavolarti con te stessa. Dai non prendertela, non avercela con te stessa anche per questo! Lo so ho avuto propblemi con il mio blog tutto il giorno, è una palla… ed è un peccato, perchè ho fatto un post che sicuramente ti piacerà… riprova! Unabbraccio forte forte. Erika

      By Anonymous Erika, at 6:00 PM  

    • ti hanno detto bene, ma non prenderla come una sconfitta, l'influenza non la curi, di solito?
      Spero solo che quando ti sentirai meglio non dimenticherai il mio blog :)
      sorrisi fiduciosi...

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    • lia, tu sei un'anima grande. Veramente. Molto profondo il tuo post. Mi è piaciuto.

      By Anonymous Pixel, at 9:58 PM  

    • Erika, non mi incavolo con me stessa ma con l'idea che mi sono fatta di me stessa a causa del prossimo "perfetto".

      Try, non mi sfuggi e sai per cosa!! Rido.

      Pixel grazie sul serio. Dal pochissimo che ti conosco non sei tipo da complimenti a caso, quindi prendo il tuo complimento e mi ci trastullo un po'.

      By Blogger Lia, at 7:05 AM  

    • Cia Lia, buongiorno! mai conosciuto un "prossimo perfetto"! ;-) bacione, ERika

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    • Brava Lia hai avuto il coraggio di sopravvivere, di accettare, quindi, le delusioni, le sofferenze e a quel senso di vuoto che a volte ci induce a credere al non senso della vita. Grazie Lia perché un po' del tuo coraggio di sopravvivere è diventato anche mio e sono qui a scrivertelo.
      Ciao Angelo

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